spinetingler
07-07-2006, 09:07 PM
The Right-Wing Christian Dictionary
It's complete here:
http://www.extremelysmart.com/humor/rightwingdictionary.php
Are you confused by the strange glossary of terms used by politically active right-wing Christians and organizations like Focus on the Family, the American Family Association, the Catholic Campaign for America, the Eagle Forum, Women Affirming Life, and the Christian Coalition? Wonder no more!
ACLU Evil, because they defend parts of the Bill of Rights. See "NRA."
Activist Anyone you disagree with. Thus, "activist" judges, "activist" unions, "activist" school boards, and "activist" homosexuals.
Adam and Steve As in, "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." A clever saying you can use whenever you want to prove how brilliant and original you are.
Agenda All political objectives you oppose. Democrats, liberals, feminists, environmentalists, and gays have "agendas." Right-wing politicians have "hopes" and "dreams" and "godly plans of action."
Bible-based Anything in the Bible you agree with. (Anything that contradicts your beliefs, like Jesus's command to love your enemies, should be ignored.)
Big government Federal social programs that attempt to construct a more rational, fairer society. Proper government consists of wastefully spending billions upon billons of tax dollars on inefficient and otherwise prohibitively costly defense contracts, subsidies, and tax breaks for corporations, and "The War on Drugs."
Born again Anyone who has experienced a personal spiritual awakening that results in his (or sometimes her) agreement with your ideas and values. Otherwise see "cult." Term can never be applied to homosexuals.
Broken families Refers only to divorce and applies to ALL divorces. Families are never "broken" or "shattered" by bad marriages, domestic violence, child abuse, incest, or molestation.
Bureaucrat A Democrat working for the government. A "public servant" is a Republican working for the government.
Career The greatest deception ever perpetrated upon women by "radical feminists" and one of the primary causes for The Breakdown Of The Family. Careers for women are "destructive" and "unfulfilling" compared to full-time child-rearing and home-schooling. Women who attempt to balance family and their own dreams are seen as "shirking their God-given responsibility" and are responsible for creating another "generation without values."
Christian Anyone who is a member of a right-wing Christian organization, such as the Christian Coalition. Ant., "Godless atheist," q.v.
Christianity Conservative biblical literality. See "cult."
Civil rights The concept of equal legal rights; applies to everyone except gay and lesbian Americans, for whom equal rights become "special" rights (q.v.).
Compassion The feeling you say you are expressing when you attack people you hate (especially homosexuals), so that you don't have to feel guilty. See "gay bashing," "death penalty."
Conservative See "God."
Criminal Someone who breaks the law — unless the law has anything to do with guns, selling arms to Iran, or refusing to pay taxes, in which case he is a "victim of society" (q.v.).
Criminal rights Should be ignored unless said criminal is a member of a wacko religious cult or is a firearms dealer.
Cult Any religious organization that does not practice conservative biblical literalism, e.g., the Society of Friends, the Episcopal Church.
Death penalty A form of punishment not used often enough. Most right-wing Christians long for the day when this is implemented against gays and lesbians. (See "Compassion.") The only time the death penalty is not considered "God's mighty judgment" is when a death row inmate has become a born-again Christian. Then, the death penalty is "unnecessary" and seen as an "impediment to further ministry" by the inmate slated for execution.
Deception Term describing the state of being a fellow Christian is in if he disagrees with you on a social or theological issue. For example, if another Christian holds views that are pro-choice, pro-gay rights, or anti-death penalty, then she/he is "deceived." If the same Christian makes a logical, reasoned argument for his position, then he is "misled." If the same Christian also makes a Scriptural argument for their position, then they are "false teachers," "rebellious," and guilty of "twisting the Word." See "Liberal."
Disney The main force behind The Collapse of Traditional Moral Values, and one of society's greatest threats to The Family, second only to gays and lesbians. Responsible for creating and popularizing the idea of domestic partner benefits.
Domestic partner benefits Given by most progressive businesses and large corporations years before Disney offered them. Seen as a sign of "collapsing moral values" and as one of the largest threats to The Family. Main impetus for implementing The Boycott, but only against certain companies. See "Disney."
Domestic violence A mythical problem that does not affect The Family, does not injure or kill Christian women or children, and is never to be addressed.
Dominion theology Based on the verse in Genesis in which Yahweh gives humanity (specifically, men) dominion over the Earth, Dominionism (also called reconstructionism) teaches that right-wing fundamentalist Christians must bring all societies around the world under the rule of God — that is, under the rule of their version of Christianity. Dominionists, including George W. Bush, are attempting to peacefully convert the laws of the United States so that they match the laws of the Hebrew Scriptures (which they call the Old Testament).
Once the world has willingly accepted their version of the Kingdom of God, religious freedom will not be tolerated; all religions and religious organizations that are not strict fundamentalists will be suppressed — forbidden to worship, proselytize, or even assemble. Any person who attempts to follow his or her non-Dominionist beliefs outside the confines of his/her home will be tried for idolatry and executed. Blasphemy, adultery, and homosexuality will also be capital offenses.
Specifically, Reconstructionists:
Reject antinomianism; that is, they believe that faith alone will not bring about salvation, but must be accompanied by good works and living a right-wing fundamentalist lifestyle;
Accept that every word of the Bible is literally factual (even the songs, poetry, and fables);
Worship the Bible as being as inerrant as God is;
Believe that Christ will not return to Earth until most of the Earth practices Dominionism;
Interpret the 613 laws of the Mosaic Code as being either ceremonial or moral (the high priest doesn't have to wear bells on his clothing, but homosexuals and adulterous women (not men) must be stoned to death);
Accept that God cannot change (despite all the Bible verses saying otherwise) and therefore God's laws cannot change, except maybe the ones about burying one's feces (Deut. 23:13) or building one's (adobe) house;
Hold the laws of the Hebrew Scriptures has having primacy over the laws of the Christian Testament, except in those cases where the Dominionists prefer the latter;
Criminalize all modern behavior that does not match Dominionist morality;
Ban all marriages that are not of a Dominionist man to a Dominionist women (e.g., interfaith, interracial, or same-sex marriage);
Regard all non-Dominionist theology as being "of the Devil" (prominent Dominionist theologian David Chilton wrote, "the god of Judaism is the devil").
Dominionism is no joke. For example, the Air Force Academy is located in Colorado Springs, which is to Dominionist theology as Rome is to Roman Catholicism and Salt Lake City is to Mormonism (both heresies that are to be ruthlessly excised). The Air Force Academy is, at least early in 2005, actively promoting Dominionist theology and actively harassing (or worse) any students who reject it. And George W. Bush (or, very occasionally, a proxy) meets every Monday morning with at least one Dominionist minister.
Elites Hollywood; anyone working to promote social change. Just plain folks: corporations, Wall Street. The needy: Anyone who makes more than $500,000 a year. The poor: Not out of sight, out of mind, but rather, out of sight, nonexistent.
Evolution A kooky cult started by Charles Darwin. See intelligent design.
The Family Unit of: heterosexual male head of household married for life to heterosexual female homemaker, with biological home-schooled children conceived without birth control at least nine months after marriage in conservative Bible-believing church. No exceptions.
Family values Censorship and gay-bashing. Alternate definition: A mother and father who vote Republican and attend a conservative church, raising two kids who are home-schooled or who attend a private school in the suburbs.
Feminist Derogatory term for women who are insufficiently feminine, i.e., passive and submissive. Responsible for: neglected children, teenage pregnancy, unemployed males, poor SAT scores, breakdown of The Family.
Fundamentalism, Christian The greatest hope for the integrity of our Beloved Nation.
Fundamentalism, Islamic The greatest threat to the integrity of our Beloved Nation. (Fact: Rush Limbaugh has said this many, many times.)
Gay/Lesbian Homosexual is the preferred term, as it focuses more explicitly on sex. Homosexuality is a chosen lifestyle that is unnatural, hated by God; it is either a mental disorder or an addiction. It is caused either by childhood molestation or by having a feminist mother. Right-wing conservatives believe that homosexuals, along with feminists and liberals, are responsible for nearly all social ills (with the possible exception of abortion).
It's complete here:
http://www.extremelysmart.com/humor/rightwingdictionary.php
Are you confused by the strange glossary of terms used by politically active right-wing Christians and organizations like Focus on the Family, the American Family Association, the Catholic Campaign for America, the Eagle Forum, Women Affirming Life, and the Christian Coalition? Wonder no more!
ACLU Evil, because they defend parts of the Bill of Rights. See "NRA."
Activist Anyone you disagree with. Thus, "activist" judges, "activist" unions, "activist" school boards, and "activist" homosexuals.
Adam and Steve As in, "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." A clever saying you can use whenever you want to prove how brilliant and original you are.
Agenda All political objectives you oppose. Democrats, liberals, feminists, environmentalists, and gays have "agendas." Right-wing politicians have "hopes" and "dreams" and "godly plans of action."
Bible-based Anything in the Bible you agree with. (Anything that contradicts your beliefs, like Jesus's command to love your enemies, should be ignored.)
Big government Federal social programs that attempt to construct a more rational, fairer society. Proper government consists of wastefully spending billions upon billons of tax dollars on inefficient and otherwise prohibitively costly defense contracts, subsidies, and tax breaks for corporations, and "The War on Drugs."
Born again Anyone who has experienced a personal spiritual awakening that results in his (or sometimes her) agreement with your ideas and values. Otherwise see "cult." Term can never be applied to homosexuals.
Broken families Refers only to divorce and applies to ALL divorces. Families are never "broken" or "shattered" by bad marriages, domestic violence, child abuse, incest, or molestation.
Bureaucrat A Democrat working for the government. A "public servant" is a Republican working for the government.
Career The greatest deception ever perpetrated upon women by "radical feminists" and one of the primary causes for The Breakdown Of The Family. Careers for women are "destructive" and "unfulfilling" compared to full-time child-rearing and home-schooling. Women who attempt to balance family and their own dreams are seen as "shirking their God-given responsibility" and are responsible for creating another "generation without values."
Christian Anyone who is a member of a right-wing Christian organization, such as the Christian Coalition. Ant., "Godless atheist," q.v.
Christianity Conservative biblical literality. See "cult."
Civil rights The concept of equal legal rights; applies to everyone except gay and lesbian Americans, for whom equal rights become "special" rights (q.v.).
Compassion The feeling you say you are expressing when you attack people you hate (especially homosexuals), so that you don't have to feel guilty. See "gay bashing," "death penalty."
Conservative See "God."
Criminal Someone who breaks the law — unless the law has anything to do with guns, selling arms to Iran, or refusing to pay taxes, in which case he is a "victim of society" (q.v.).
Criminal rights Should be ignored unless said criminal is a member of a wacko religious cult or is a firearms dealer.
Cult Any religious organization that does not practice conservative biblical literalism, e.g., the Society of Friends, the Episcopal Church.
Death penalty A form of punishment not used often enough. Most right-wing Christians long for the day when this is implemented against gays and lesbians. (See "Compassion.") The only time the death penalty is not considered "God's mighty judgment" is when a death row inmate has become a born-again Christian. Then, the death penalty is "unnecessary" and seen as an "impediment to further ministry" by the inmate slated for execution.
Deception Term describing the state of being a fellow Christian is in if he disagrees with you on a social or theological issue. For example, if another Christian holds views that are pro-choice, pro-gay rights, or anti-death penalty, then she/he is "deceived." If the same Christian makes a logical, reasoned argument for his position, then he is "misled." If the same Christian also makes a Scriptural argument for their position, then they are "false teachers," "rebellious," and guilty of "twisting the Word." See "Liberal."
Disney The main force behind The Collapse of Traditional Moral Values, and one of society's greatest threats to The Family, second only to gays and lesbians. Responsible for creating and popularizing the idea of domestic partner benefits.
Domestic partner benefits Given by most progressive businesses and large corporations years before Disney offered them. Seen as a sign of "collapsing moral values" and as one of the largest threats to The Family. Main impetus for implementing The Boycott, but only against certain companies. See "Disney."
Domestic violence A mythical problem that does not affect The Family, does not injure or kill Christian women or children, and is never to be addressed.
Dominion theology Based on the verse in Genesis in which Yahweh gives humanity (specifically, men) dominion over the Earth, Dominionism (also called reconstructionism) teaches that right-wing fundamentalist Christians must bring all societies around the world under the rule of God — that is, under the rule of their version of Christianity. Dominionists, including George W. Bush, are attempting to peacefully convert the laws of the United States so that they match the laws of the Hebrew Scriptures (which they call the Old Testament).
Once the world has willingly accepted their version of the Kingdom of God, religious freedom will not be tolerated; all religions and religious organizations that are not strict fundamentalists will be suppressed — forbidden to worship, proselytize, or even assemble. Any person who attempts to follow his or her non-Dominionist beliefs outside the confines of his/her home will be tried for idolatry and executed. Blasphemy, adultery, and homosexuality will also be capital offenses.
Specifically, Reconstructionists:
Reject antinomianism; that is, they believe that faith alone will not bring about salvation, but must be accompanied by good works and living a right-wing fundamentalist lifestyle;
Accept that every word of the Bible is literally factual (even the songs, poetry, and fables);
Worship the Bible as being as inerrant as God is;
Believe that Christ will not return to Earth until most of the Earth practices Dominionism;
Interpret the 613 laws of the Mosaic Code as being either ceremonial or moral (the high priest doesn't have to wear bells on his clothing, but homosexuals and adulterous women (not men) must be stoned to death);
Accept that God cannot change (despite all the Bible verses saying otherwise) and therefore God's laws cannot change, except maybe the ones about burying one's feces (Deut. 23:13) or building one's (adobe) house;
Hold the laws of the Hebrew Scriptures has having primacy over the laws of the Christian Testament, except in those cases where the Dominionists prefer the latter;
Criminalize all modern behavior that does not match Dominionist morality;
Ban all marriages that are not of a Dominionist man to a Dominionist women (e.g., interfaith, interracial, or same-sex marriage);
Regard all non-Dominionist theology as being "of the Devil" (prominent Dominionist theologian David Chilton wrote, "the god of Judaism is the devil").
Dominionism is no joke. For example, the Air Force Academy is located in Colorado Springs, which is to Dominionist theology as Rome is to Roman Catholicism and Salt Lake City is to Mormonism (both heresies that are to be ruthlessly excised). The Air Force Academy is, at least early in 2005, actively promoting Dominionist theology and actively harassing (or worse) any students who reject it. And George W. Bush (or, very occasionally, a proxy) meets every Monday morning with at least one Dominionist minister.
Elites Hollywood; anyone working to promote social change. Just plain folks: corporations, Wall Street. The needy: Anyone who makes more than $500,000 a year. The poor: Not out of sight, out of mind, but rather, out of sight, nonexistent.
Evolution A kooky cult started by Charles Darwin. See intelligent design.
The Family Unit of: heterosexual male head of household married for life to heterosexual female homemaker, with biological home-schooled children conceived without birth control at least nine months after marriage in conservative Bible-believing church. No exceptions.
Family values Censorship and gay-bashing. Alternate definition: A mother and father who vote Republican and attend a conservative church, raising two kids who are home-schooled or who attend a private school in the suburbs.
Feminist Derogatory term for women who are insufficiently feminine, i.e., passive and submissive. Responsible for: neglected children, teenage pregnancy, unemployed males, poor SAT scores, breakdown of The Family.
Fundamentalism, Christian The greatest hope for the integrity of our Beloved Nation.
Fundamentalism, Islamic The greatest threat to the integrity of our Beloved Nation. (Fact: Rush Limbaugh has said this many, many times.)
Gay/Lesbian Homosexual is the preferred term, as it focuses more explicitly on sex. Homosexuality is a chosen lifestyle that is unnatural, hated by God; it is either a mental disorder or an addiction. It is caused either by childhood molestation or by having a feminist mother. Right-wing conservatives believe that homosexuals, along with feminists and liberals, are responsible for nearly all social ills (with the possible exception of abortion).